Perfect
by crazyauthoress
Summary: Everyone knows the name of the one who's perfect for them - it's written on their palm for everyone to see. Spencer Reid loathed the name on his palm. For Derek Morgan, it was the one thing that kept him going during the darkest times.
1. Prologue

**Title:** Perfect (1/?)

**Author:** crazyauthoress

**Fandom:** Criminal Minds

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Everyone knows the name of the one who's perfect for them - it's written on their palm for everyone to see. Spencer Reid loathed the name on his palm. For Derek Morgan, it was the one thing that kept him going during the darkest times. When they meet, their lives will never be the same again.

**Warnings:** There will be spoilers for episodes in this. Off the top of my head, I know there'll be spoilers for "Profiler, Profiled" (2x12), "The Big Game" (2x14), "Revelations" (2x15), and "Soul Mates" (4x12). I'll know more when I write more, but I'll always warn for episode chapters so it won't catch anyone off guard.

**Beta:** None

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><p>Spencer Reid learned how to read by tracing the name on his palm. It wasn't unusual for children to learn how to read that way, eager to find out the name of the person who was made for them and them alone. At first, Spencer would ask his mother to read it to him but eventually he learned how to read it all on his own.<p>

**_Derek Morgan_**

He was the only boy in school who had a boy's name on his palm. Most of his childhood was spent being tormented for the name on his palm and because he was smart, smarter than the rest of his class. A genius, his mother called him fondly in her moments of lucidness.

As he got older, he began to resent Derek Morgan. Spencer knew that he couldn't hate Derek, not really. His body wouldn't let him; they were made for each other, after all, if his mother's tales were true. But, then again, his father abandoned him and his mother, even though Diana Carlton was written across his palm.

Spencer learned the hard way that just because you were made for someone it didn't mean you would stay together.

Instead of searching for the person written on his palm like everyone else, Spencer threw himself into his studies and wore fingerless gloves to hide the name written on his palm. He couldn't bear the thought of finding Derek only for him to hate Spencer like everyone else. By the age of 22, he'd joined the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI and had completely forgotten about the name written on his palm.

And then he met Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan.

-.-.-.-.-

Derek Morgan didn't learn how to read because of the name on his palm. His mother would read it to him every day and before long he could look at his palm and say the name written on it. He didn't know what the letters were, but he knew the name and would shout it proudly, no matter who heard it.

**_Spencer Reid_**

His mother had told him that the name on his palm was the person who would love him the most, more than everyone else combined. She would always look at his father when she said that and they would kiss, causing the kids to wrinkle their noses in disgust, even though they didn't actually mind. They loved their parents, even if they were gross some of the time.

But then his father died and their world shattered. Their mother was alone and Derek did everything he could to provide for his family and keep them save. He didn't count on being sent to the juvenile detention center.

He didn't count on Carl Buford or what Carl Buford did to him. It didn't matter that Derek hadn't wanted it, it didn't matter that Derek was saving that - along with every other first he had - for Spencer Reid. When he got too old for Buford to want, he forgot about his promise to himself and did everything he could to forget.

Derek learned the hard way that your soulmate wouldn't be your first anything because people would take what they wanted from you, even if you didn't want to give it to them.

So Derek became a cop and then joined the BAU. He did everything he could to make sure what happened to him never happened to anyone again. But he refused to hide the name on his palm, no matter how many people urged him to. He was proud of the name on his palm and he would never forget that name because, on the nights when it was the worst with Buford, Spencer Reid was the only salvation he had. Even so, he'd almost given up hope of meeting him.

But then he met Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid on his first day at the BAU.


	2. Chapter 1

**Title:** Perfect

**Author:** crazyauthoress

**Rating:** T

**Summary:** Everyone knows the name of the one who's perfect for them - it's written on their palm for everyone to see. Spencer Reid loathed the name on his palm. For Derek Morgan, it was the one thing that kept him going during the darkest times. When they meet, their lives will never be the same again.

**Warnings:** There will be spoilers for episodes in this. Off the top of my head, I know there'll be spoilers for "Profiler, Profiled" (2x12), "The Big Game" (2x14), "Revelations" (2x15), and "Soul Mates" (4x12). I'll know more when I write more, but I'll always warn for episode chapters so it won't catch anyone off guard.

**Beta:** None

**Author's Note:** I'm so sorry this took forever. I hadn't quite figured out how I wanted to tell the story and what I wanted to do with it. When I finally figured it out, months had passed so I finished chapter one as soon as possible. I'm gonna be in a car for at least twelve hours tomorrow, so I should be able to make headway into the next chapter as well. Again, I'm so so so so sorry for the wait.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong>

"Reid, please remember that we have the new agent today," Gideon said as he walked passed Spencer's desk.

Spencer nodded and swallowed. "Right... the new agent," he mumbled, looking down at the file in front of him.

**MORGAN, DEREK**

"Derek Morgan," he whispered to himself, his left thumb rubbing across the name written on his right palm. He pressed his thumb against the concealed name hard, although he could not feel the bite of his nail through the fabric.

Even though it was taboo to wear gloves during anytime other than the winter months, Spencer refused _not_ to wear gloves. It had almost caused him problems when he had been trying to find a job. But, Hotch was different than the other agents Spencer had interviewed with.

He had taken one look at Spencer's gloved hands and said, "This is not going to cause a problem, is it? Your soulmate is not going to come after you for some reason, correct?"

Spencer had answered, "No, Agent Hotchner. I haven't met my soulmate yet."

That ended any and all conversations about Spencer's soulmate. After he had been working with the BAU for a year, Hotch made it perfectly clear to his superiors that Spencer had a place on his team, regardless of his gloved hands. Spencer had never been more indebted to anyone in his life.

But now, with the arrival of one Derek Morgan, Spencer's world where nobody mentioned his soulmate or his gloved hands was about to pop.

"...is Agent Dr. Reid," Hotch said, causing Spencer to look up from the file in front of him.

Derek Morgan grinned at him and held out his hand. "Derek Morgan, nice to meet you, Dr. Reid," he said.

Swallowing, Spencer reached out and took Morgan's hand. His slender hand disappeared within the large black hand and Spencer thought he caught a glance of Morgan's soulmate.

_**Spenc**_

"Pleased to meet you," Spencer said, smiling shyly at Morgan while silently cursing his luck. Derek Morgan had to be one of the most attractive men Spencer had ever met. His brown eyes radiated warm and while Spencer beat him in height, Morgan's shoulders were broader. It looked like Morgan could sweep Spencer into his arms and cover him completely.

And Spencer had no doubt he would never want to leave those arms if that happened.

"So, Dr. Reid," Morgan said, breaking Spencer out of his thoughts. "You got a first name?"

Spencer nodded. "It's... it's Spencer. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid," he said, watching Morgan's face.

He watched as recognition flashed across Morgan's face, followed by elation. It made his entire face light up like a sun and he beamed. "Spencer Reid?" he asked as he held out his hand.

As Spencer read his own name across the new agent's palm, he felt himself filling with dread. "Yes, Spencer Reid," he repeated, standing and tugging self-consciously on his gloves. "If you'll excuse me... Hotch needs me to finish something and I need some coffee."

Spencer ran from his desk, ignoring the way his head throbbed and his stomach lurched. He risked glancing back at Morgan and watched his face fall, like a dark cloud passing over the sun. Morgan stared down at his hand, as if he couldn't believe it had lied to him. He clenched his fist and shoved his hand into his pocket.

As Morgan raised his head, their eyes met and Spencer felt the sudden urge to shout, _"I'm your soulmate! Me! Please, just let me explain, but it's me. Please, Derek!"_ But the words got caught in his throat, just like always. Instead of speaking, Spencer turned around and fumbled for a mug.

"Why don't you tell him?" Gideon asked softly, causing Spencer to drop the mug on the counter.

It didn't break, but that was only a small mercy. Spencer still had Gideon staring at him with those knowing eyes. "What do you mean, Gideon?" Spencer asked. "Why didn't I tell who what?"

Gideon merely raised an eyebrow and handed Spencer the coffee pot. Spencer poured the black liquid in, his other hand already taking packet after packet of sugar. "Why didn't you tell Derek that you have his name on your hand?" he asked softly.

Spencer flinched and dropped his sugar packets. "How do you even know whose name is on my hand?" he asked, clenching his fist.

"It's in your file," Gideon said, touching Spencer's shoulder. "Like it is for every agent. He deserves to know the truth, Spencer. How long are you planning on keep this from him?"

Spencer bit his lip, ignoring his urge to shout, _"I'm never going to tell him! The thought of admitting it out loud to another person hurts too much."_

Instead, he shrugged and looked down at his coffee. He poured a packet of sugar and searched for a spoon. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "I'm not sure if I'm ever going to tell him."

Gideon's grip tightened on Spencer's shoulder. "Why?" he demanded. "Do you know how painful it is for someone to meet their soulmate only to never truly _be_ with them?"

Spencer pulled away from Gideon. "You've read my file," he said, looking Gideon in the eye. "So you know - better than _anyone_ - that I know how painful it is. You're the only I've ever told about this."

Gideon's eyes softened. "Then why don't you tell him the truth? Why put yourself and him through this pain?" he asked.

Spencer took a sip of his coffee and wrinkled his nose. He could still taste the bitterness under all the sugar. "Because I'm not strong enough to tell him the truth," he admitted. "About any of it. I can't do it, Gideon. He's better off not knowing who his soulmate; otherwise, he'd be stuck with me for the rest of his life."

The older profiler watched him carefully before shaking his head. "You know, Spencer, if the stories are true, our soulmate is the one person who completes us and who can understand our faults and weaknesses better than anyone else in the world. You should keep that in mind before you decided to cut Derek out completely," Gideon said before walking up to his office.

Spencer watched Gideon walk away, fighting back his urge to scream. Gideon didn't understand, even if he had read Spencer's file. Just because Morgan had Spencer's name across his palm didn't mean they were meant for each other.

"Having a name written on your palm doesn't guarantee anything!" Spencer muttered, walking back to his desk. It wasn't unheard of for soulmates to be incompatible. Many of the unsubs were unable to properly connect with their soulmate; some of the time, that ended up being the reason they killed people.

Spencer sat down at his desk, pushing Morgan's file away. He couldn't find a single reason that Morgan shouldn't be allowed on the team. His resumé, letters of recommendation, and evaluations had nothing but wonderful things to say. Besides, Hotch didn't hire people unless he knew they would be a good fit for the team.

It didn't matter how hard he tried to find something to keep Morgan off the team. Deep down, Spencer knew Morgan would fit in perfectly to the team and would bring skills they needed. Spencer also knew that if Morgan wasn't his soulmate, he would actually like him.

Spencer would just have to get used to the idea of his soulmate working with him. At least Morgan didn't know whose name Spencer had on his palm.

"Reid," Hotch said, drawing Spencer out of his thoughts. "Is there going to be a problem with Agent Morgan working with us?"

Spencer took a deep breath and swallowed. "Of course not, Hotch. Why would you think there's a problem?" he asked, picking up his mug.

Hotch raised an eyebrow. "Reid, you bolted after he asked your name," he replied. "It's very rare to see you react like that. He hasn't said anything about your gloves or soulmate, has he?"

The one problem with working with other profilers was you couldn't lie to them. Even if Hotch said that they shouldn't profile each other, it still happened. Spencer knew that Hotch would profile him if it was about his soulmate. "No, he hasn't," the genius said, slowly taking a sip.

"If you're sure. You'll come talk to me if he does say anything, right?" Hotch asked. "I won't have anyone say things about you. You're part of this team, Reid, and I won't allow a new agent to make you feel otherwise."

Spencer swallowed his coffee. "Thanks, Hotch," he said softly, looking up at the other agent. "I really needed to hear that."

Hotch nodded and smiled slightly at Spencer before walking up to his office. "We might have a new case, so conference room in ten minutes," he called over his shoulder. "Show Agent Morgan will it is, okay?"

"That's okay, Agent Hotchner," Morgan said, startling Spencer. "I can find my own way there. I wouldn't want to make Dr. Reid feel uncomfortable."

Spencer frowned and spun around in his chair. "Why do you think that would make me feel uncomfortable?" he asked, curious. He had to stop himself from profiling Morgan; by profiling him, Spencer knew he'd be able to learn everything he wanted to know. However, that wouldn't foster the trust they needed to work together.

Morgan chuckled darkly. "Really, doc?" he asked and the words sounded mocking. "I ask your name and you run like I waved a gun at you. Doesn't really make me think that you like me."

"It's been a while since anyone new joined the team," Spencer replied, picking up his coffee mug. "I don't really have the best... social skills. It takes a while for me to be comfortable around people."

Morgan raised an eyebrow, skeptical. "Huh," he said, walking passed Spencer and up to the conference room. "I can still find the conference room on my own."

Spencer didn't answer this time. He just followed Morgan up to the circular room and sat down near Gideon, his mug in front of him. Part of him hoped they didn't have a case; he wanted to be able to go home early to digest everything that happened today. Maybe he could ask Hotch if he really needed to take part in the case, but Hotch would never let him leave early. It would be their first case with Agent Morgan, of course Spencer would need to be there.

It turned out not to be a case, which meant Spencer could go home early. He managed to leave the building without being spotted, thankful for the distraction that Morgan caused. Every other agent wanted to talk to Morgan, to get to know him. All of them would crowd Morgan, which meant Spencer could slip out, unseen.

Well, mostly unseen. As he packed his messenger bag, he felt Gideon's eyes on him, assessing him. Spencer turned and looked up at Gideon. The senior agent stood on the second floor, outside the conference room, hands resting on the railing in front of him. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Spencer staring.

Spencer felt a hot flush color his cheeks and he turned on his heel, ignoring Gideon. He just couldn't tell Morgan the truth; if he did, he knew what would happen. People didn't call him a genius because he couldn't put two and two together. If he told Morgan the truth, Morgan would never accept him; worse case, he would leave Quantico and the BAU.

The BAU needed Morgan and Spencer would not be the one to mess that up.

_"But what about the way his face lit up?"_ a traitorous little voice cooed in his ear. _"Didn't you see the way he smiled when he thought you had his name? When he thought you were his and he was yours? What if you're wrong?"_

Spencer took a deep breath as he got on the bus, settling down in the first available seat. A lot of thoughts ran through his head, too many to focus on. All of them centered on Derek Morgan: why did he choose the BAU? With his record, he could have picked any branch of the FBI and they'd welcome him with open arms. What drew him to the BAU?

A horrifying thought struck Spencer: had Morgan chosen the BAU because of _him_? Spencer's involvement with the BAU was never a secret, not with all the papers of profiling he contributed on. Had Derek Morgan seen the name Spencer Reid and thought that meant his soulmate worked with the BAU?

Spencer hoped that wasn't the case. He didn't want any of this and yet it had fallen into his lap. "There are billions of people in the world and most of them are searching for their soulmate," he muttered as he got off the bus. "I must be one of the few who isn't searching for mine and yet he falls into my lap. How in the world is that fair?"

But Spencer knew that life wasn't fair and that is would never be fair.

He got off the bus and walked toward him, his head down. Even though it was unlikely, Spencer did not want to make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact with someone could lead to a conversation he did not want to have. No, he would be better off if he walked the short distance from the bus with his head down.

Spencer looked up once on his way home, and that was to order a coffee from his favorite coffee place. BAU coffee tasted terrible and to process what happened, he'd need more than the cup he barely touched earlier. Too much happened today for his brain to quiet down normally. Way, way too much.

He locked the door of his apartment securely behind him, leaning against the wood. "I can't control anything anymore, can I?" Spencer whispered, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. "It's all falling apart around me and I can't stop it. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I just can't stop it."

Sighing, he dropped his satchel by the door and toed off his shoes. The familiar layout of his apartment did nothing to help quiet his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Spencer entered his study and sat down at the desk, pulling a piece of paper over to him. Biting his lip, he forced himself to breathe as he began to write.

_Dear Mom,_

_Just when I thought everything would be okay again, things change again. I already told you that Hotch decided that we needed another agent in the BAU and that he and Gideon decided on someone to hire. I didn't tell you who it was, because I didn't know yet._

_I got his file today. It's good, really good. A cop in Chicago with good recommendations and glowing reviews. He passed all of his FBI tests with flying colors and his specialty is obsessive behaviors and fixations. He'll be a wonderful addition to the BAU._

_His name is Derek Morgan and he's my soulmate._

_When I saw his name, I thought that it was possible he wasn't mine. There are a lot of Derek Morgans in the States and even more in the world. Even if it was a very small chance, there was a chance he didn't have my name._

_He did, though. When he heard my name, his face lit up like the sun. He seemed so happy and I felt terrible to dash his hopes. I could have told him the truth, I really could have. But, I don't think I would have been able to handle watching his face change from happy to disgusted._

_Nobody in their right mind would want me as a soulmate._

_If I told him and he didn't accept me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I would have broken, like you did when Dad left. I'm too weak to tell him, even if I wanted to. It would be like Dad leaving all over again, but this time it would be so much worse because he's my soulmate, not my father._

_Gideon doesn't understand why I won't tell him. He told me that our soulmate is the one person who completes us and who can understand our faults and weaknesses better than anyone else in the world - like those stories you used to tell me as a kid. I wish I could believe Gideon but it's too much for me to ask, let alone dream._

_Derek Morgan is handsome and, from what I've seen, is kind and compassionate. He could have women falling all over themselves for him and instead he's stuck with someone like me. He's better off not knowing who I am. I'd just end up disappointing him._

Spencer threw his pen down and pushed himself away from the desk. He would finish the letter tomorrow after his slept - although he'd probably end up rewriting it. He didn't see a point to complaining to his mother; she had too much on her plate for Spencer to add his own woes to.

Deciding he felt too sick to eat dinner, he changed into a pair of pajamas and buried himself in his blankets. Sleep didn't come easily to him that night, but it did eventually come.

-.-.-.-.-

_When Spencer opened his eyes, he found himself sitting in a chair, but something didn't feel right. After attempting to stand, he found himself bound to the chair, using duct tape and rope. His first gut instinct was to look around for an unsub or kidnapper, but he was alone in the room._

_Something rested against his head and he jerked, shocked._

_"Easy," a masculine voice said. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm stuck here too."_

_Somewhere, deep inside of Spencer's chest, recognized the voice on a purely instinctual level. "You're my soulmate," he said, breathing out softly._

_"And you're mine," the voice said. "Why are you pushing me away?"_

_Spencer frowned. "What makes you think I'm pushing you away?" he asked._

_His soulmate laughed and warmth settled in Spencer's stomach and chest. "Really, Pretty Boy?" he asked. "We're tied to chairs with our backs to each other. One of us has to be pushing the other away and I know I'm not pushing you away."_

_Unable to help himself, Spencer asked, "Why? You don't know anything about me. What makes you so sure that we'll be good for each other?"_

_"You're my soulmate," the other responded simply. "If there's one thing I know, it's that the universe or God or whatever doesn't make mistakes. I don't have to know anything about you to know that you're absolutely perfect for me. Just like I'm absolutely perfect for you."_

_Spencer took a deep breath and rested his head back against his soulmate's. "Things have been wrong before," he whispered, broken._

_His soulmate fell silent for a moment and Spencer took comfort in his soulmate's body head and breath. "Who broke you so badly, Pretty Boy?" he whispered, turning his head as if he could see Spencer. "Who made it impossible for you to trust me, your soulmate?"_

_Spencer swallowed and turned his head. He felt something soft press against his cheek and he knew it was his soulmate's cheek. "Life," he answered honestly. "I saw and realized that nothing in this world is perfect, especially for someone like me."_

_His soulmate frowned and Spencer pressed his cheek harder against him. This was only a dream, but Spencer wouldn't be able to handle it if his soulmate got angry with him. "I'm not angry at you, Pretty Boy," he said, rubbing his cheek against Spencer's. "I don't think I could ever really be angry at you. You're perfect, even if you don't believe anything is perfect. You are perfect for me."_

_Spencer didn't answer. He closed his eyes and rubbed back against his soulmate. Stubble scratched against his cheek and he found himself wishing that this wasn't just a dream. "This is as close as we'll ever come," he whispered, swallowing. "I'll never find you in real life."_

_"Why not?"_

_He thought about his past and his present. "Because I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough to tell you who I am in person," he said, shaking his head. "I'm too much of a coward to tell you because I know that if I tell you, you'll leave me. I'd rather live without you and have the chance that you'll like me than tell you and have you hate me."_

_His soulmate let out a soft breath and Spencer felt lips against his cheek before his soulmate's cheek return. "If you think you're not strong enough, let me be your strength," he whispered to Spencer. "Let me carry what you don't think you can."_

-.-.-.-.-

As Spencer jerked awake from his dream, nails biting into the name across his palm, he was not alone. Across town, in a brand new apartment with unpacked boxes scattered in the space, Derek Morgan jolted awake as well. He stared down at the name on his palm and clutched it to his chest, whispering "Spencer" over and over again.


End file.
